NOTE: This post is based on The Work of Byron Katie and contains excerpts from her freely available Worksheet and The Little Book.

The only time we suffer is when we believe a thought that argues with what is. When the mind is perfectly clear, what is is what we want...Wanting reality to be different than it is is hopeless.

• Byron Katie, The Little Book

Wouldn't that make me passive, lose the desire to act?

Which is more empowering?—“I shouldn't hadn’t lost my job.” or “I lost my job; what are the smartest options can I find right now?”

This is a way of reframing how we work with what is, going from "This sucks!" to "Is that so?"

This doesn’t mean that you condone it or approve of it. It just means that you can see things without resistance and without the confusion of your inner struggle.

Can you think of a time when you were able to do this?

...when we argue with [reality], we experience tension and frustration. We don’t feel natural or balanced. When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, fluid, kind, and fearless.

How is this related to being present, to showing up?

Judging Your Neighbour

Be as judgmental, childish, and petty as you were in that situation. Don’t try to be wiser or kinder than you were. This is a time to be totally honest and uncensored about why you were hurt and how you felt in that situation. Allow your feelings to express themselves as they arise, without any fear of consequences or any threat of punishment.

1. In this situation, who angers, confuses, saddens, or disappoints you, and why?

I am feeling __ emotion with __ name because __ action-behaviour.

(Imagine yourself in this situation as described for the steps that follow)

2. WANTS: In this situation, how do you want them to change? What do you want them to do?

I want __ name to __ action-behaviour.

3. ADVICE: In this situation, what advice would you offer them? "They should/shouldn’t…"? (Be specific, detailed, doable by this person)

__ name should/shouldn't __ action-behaviour.

4. NEEDS: In order for you to be happy in this situation, what do you need him/her to think, say, feel, or do?

I need __ name to __ action-behaviour.

(Did you stay in the imagined situation? Would this action make you happy? Less hur? Neutral?)

5. COMPLAINTS: What do you think of him/her in this situation? Make a list. (It’s okay to be petty and judgmental.)

__ name is __ action-behaviour.

6. What is it about this person and situation that you don’t ever want to experience again?

I don't ever want __ name / __ action-behaviour.

Four Questions

1. Is it true? (Be still, imagining the situation, let an honest YES or NO arise - no but/because - If NO, move to question 3.)
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (YES or NO - no but/because)
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? (Be still, imagine, notice. What about later? How do you treat yourself, act afterward? Shut down, binge Netflix, get drunk? Notice all the effects of believing this thought)
4. Who or what would you be without the thought? (Imagine yourself in the situation, same behaviour, but without believing the thought. Imagine yourself without the thought altogether? With no shoulds or should nots? What do you see?)

Turnaround

I insulted Ellen.
I insulted myself.
I am ungrateful.
Ellen didn't insult me.
Ellen isn't ungrateful.
Ellen is grateful.

As you visualize the situation, contemplate how each turnaround is as true or truer.

...as long as you think that anyone or anything else is responsible for your suffering—the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of the victim, that you’re suffering in paradise.

Wrap Up

I don’t let go of my thoughts—I meet them with understanding. Then they let go of me.