Here are the notes and community insights from our exploration of holding space, especially in a "liminal" state, a threshold of transition.

We want to fix things, give good advice, control the outcome, or avoid the conversation all together...Holding space is what we do in the liminal space when we walk alongside another person (or ourselves) on a journey without judging, fixing, belittling, or shaping the outcome. - Heather Plett

Liminal A threshold between the way things were - identity, time, community - and a new way that arises when the threshold has been crossed.

Have you held space for another? For yourself?

Can you recall an example of being in this state?

See: Liminality

Being onside To hold space requires being onside, on the side of another person or group, or on our own side.

Do you feel like you're often on your own side?

Russian dolls Like Russian dolls, someone can hold space for you, while you hold space for another. A chain of holding space.

Monini the White Tiger

In Radical Acceptance, Tara Brach tells the story of Mohini, a white tiger that lived in the National Zoo in Washington, D.C. It spent many years pacing back and forth in a 12 x 12 foot cage, metal bars, concrete floor.

When the zoo was finally able to create a large open space of several acres with ponds, vegetation, they were excited to introduce her to this new location. She immediately retreated to a corner of the area, and began pacing back and forth. She did only that for the rest of her days.

How are you pacing the small corner of a much larger space of possibility?

See: Accepting Absolutely Everything

Selected Tips on Holding Space

• Permission to trust our intuition and wisdom (leave room to choose and discover)
• Empower them to decide (avoid stepping in)
• Keep the ego in check (don't attach to the outcome)
• Create the safety for risks and failure (avoid judgment)
• Create a container for complex emotions (be gentle, supportive, non-judgemental)
• Honour different decisions and different experiences (personal, cultural)

See Heather Plett's blog post for the full article and list.

Is That So?

One question I've found most helpful in undoing such rusted-shut thoughts and feelings is among the simplest: "Is that so?" Asked tenderly, softly, without aggression. - Jane Hirshfield

See Living by Questions

What does it feel ask yourself this with kindness, openness?

Clear Mind, Don't Know Mind

To hold space we both participate and witness.

Certainty and uncertainty. Control and surrender. Knowing and trusting. Earth and Heaven.

This exercise by Korean Zen teacher Dae Soon Sa Nim cultivates what seem like opposites: clarity with not knowing; stability with flow.

• Breathing in, say to yourself: Clear mind, clear mind, clear mind...
• Breathing out, say to yourself: Don't knowwww....

Practice for two minutes. You can intentionally slow your breathing if you like.

What was your experience of doing this?

Community Insights

• When someone holds space for us, we can discover where we are stuck in patterns that limit or no longer serve us, and chart a new direction
• We can spend great energy being on the side of others, to support and help, while rarely being on our own side.
• Conversation with someone who is completely present, listening, and non-judgemental can be transformative
• To "listen someone into their own wisdom" is a way of holding space for them by empowering and giving permission instead of trying to shape the outcome
• A balance of engaging and letting takes practice and can be tricky to navigate, but it offers a different way of being and responding
• We can get caught up trying to prove ourselves by knowing, having the answer, but there is tremendous freedom and possibility in not knowing
• Clear mind/don't know exercise may lead to a merging of these apparently different states
• The question "Is that so?", spoken with kindness to ourselves, is a way of going more deeply into the uncertainty of a threshold (not an effort to bring it to a close)