After tea, we watched a video on emotional agility and the ways in which we benefit by accepting our emotions as natural. In it, psychologist Susan David observes:
Like that delicious chocolate cake in the refrigerator - the more you try to ignore it, the greater its hold on you. You might think you're in control of unwanted emotions when you ignore them, when in fact they control you.
Here are a some of the key points we considered. Each of Susan David's statements are quoted, followed by our reflections.
how we deal with our inner world drives everything. Every aspect of how we love, how we live, how we parent and how we lead. The conventional view of emotions as good or bad, positive or negative, is rigid. And rigidity in the face of complexity is toxic
Meditation helps us become familiar with our inner world.
The VOICE (Voice Of Innate Clarity Exercise) practice works to reduce rigidity of perspectives.
Write what you're feeling. Tell the truth. Write like nobody's reading
These words from David's 8th grade teacher remind us that there will always be parts of ourselves that we cannot see as clearly as others do. The compassionate reflection of another is a great gift.
The only certainty is uncertainty, and yet we are not navigating this frailty successfully or sustainably
In Buddhism, the first of the three marks of existence.
Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life.
See Brene Brown on vulnerability, Chogyam Trungpa on the soft spot.
Research now shows that the radical acceptance of all of our emotions -- even the messy, difficult ones -- is the cornerstone to resilience, thriving, and true, authentic happiness
Practicing non-judgmental awareness of our inner world, including emotions, through meditation is a path to radical acceptance.
Accuracy matters...When we label our emotions accurately, we are more able to discern the precise cause of our feelings. And what scientists call the readiness potential in our brain is activated, allowing us to take concrete steps. But not just any steps -- the right steps for us. Because our emotions are data.
This echo Lisa Feldman Barret's thinking on emotional granularity.
When we are open to the difficult emotions, we are able to generate responses that are values-aligned.
Honest vulnerability can lead to action that aligns with our values.
Emotions are data, they are not directives. We can show up to and mine our emotions for their values without needing to listen to them
Meditation practice can help to create space to see our emotion without falling into our emotions.
Try not to say "I am," as in, "I'm angry" or "I'm sad." When you say "I am" it makes you sound as if you are the emotion. Whereas you are you, and the emotion is a data source. Instead, try to notice the feeling for what it is: "I'm noticing that I'm feeling sad" or "I'm noticing that I'm feeling angry."
It's important to maintain a perspective to witness what is happening. In VOICE, this would be the Awakened Heart noticing and investigating an emotion, in the body, in language.
Diversity isn't just people, it's also what's inside people. Including diversity of emotion....Emotional agility is the ability to be with your emotions with curiosity, compassion, and especially the courage to take values-connected steps.
We ended by walking through the RAIN process as a way to not only notice and accept our strong emotions, but also work with them as a potential source of wisdom.